Leaving the World Behind
by Phoenixstar1
Summary: HY/RP "This time I wont make the same mistake. This time I wont let go."


Leaving the World Behind

~phoenixstar

Disclaimer:I don't own Gundam Wing or any of the characters. 

This is an idea that I've had for a while but never got round to putting down.I was listening to the song 'Cedar Room' by the Doves and it reminded me a lot of Heero and Relena's relationship, and how it is portrayed in a lot of fics.The song its self is really beautiful.I don't have the cd so and spent two hours looking for the lyrics on the internet and still didn't find them so I sat down and tried my best to listen and write them down.I am pretty sure I didn't get them all right, but its close enough and they fit the song (so don't flame me if you're a fan of the Doves, because I am too! But if someone has the actually lyrics it would be great if you could email them to me and I could edit this!)Anyways here goes my first attempt at a HY/RP fic!(reviews please!)

~~~~~

[Relena]

_ _

_Stars in the morning_

_Sneak cross my view_

I close the door behind me, sighing as I hear the lock click into place.I lean against the study door, and slide my back down it until I am sitting on the floor.I had just returned from a meeting, the same one I go to day in and day out, same old same old.I love the people, my people, but I can't take this anymore.I can't stand having to jump from one to perch to another to protect them, while they fight and grab, trying to pull me down.I want to help, but how can I help them if I am losing my conviction.I believe in peace, but I don't think I can bring it.Not to this world, not in this life.

_ _

_Don't let them come round here_

_And call to you_

I sit there with my head in my hands.I want to cry, cry because I am weak, and am giving in to all these pressures.I am stronger than crying and self-pity.I want to scream, scream at them, scolding them for their childish and mindless bickering.I will not scream, for screaming will only fuel the chaos.I want to laugh, it's so pointless, and they all want the same thing but are too proud to see it.I will not laugh because laughter will hurt their feelings.I want to lash out, punching and kicking, and make the world see my pain and torment.But what I suffer is on their behalf, so they won't have to.I want him.But I can't.My wants are immaterial.So I sit there and just look, at nothing in particular, just looking.

_I didn't notice_

_So I cried to you_

[Heero]

_I didn't notice_

_It's a crime to feel_

I followed her home from the conference.I watched her there and could feel the pain in my heart every time she lifted her tired eyes.They were true and honest eyes, but they were losing their shine and energy.She still believed her ideas, and so did all the people who saw how genuine she was, but she has lost the enthusiasm and will to make them listen.It hurts to see her suffer; she is too young to do this.Did she ever have any choice?

I snuck up to her balcony.I had been there before, she never knew I had, but it was for the better.She didn't need to be babied by anyone, especially me.I stood there on her balcony, the moonlight pouring over my shoulder into her room.I watched as she entered.Alone.I noted with pride that she locked the door behind her.She could take care of herself.But when she sat there, looking blankly outwards, towards me, unseeing, that I could see the pain in her eyes.The same pain when she had spoken earlier, it had just been better masked before.I stood frozen, watching her.

[Relena]

Sitting there I realised how painfully uncomfortable these clothes were.Peace is an idea, not a costume.I don't understand why they make me wear it, but if protocol calls for it, I am not about to cause an unneeded disturbance.I stand, my legs are shaky, but its only because I am tired.

I walk over to my closet and open its great doors.When I look inside the sight of all the uniforms and hardly used clothes brings a tear to my eye.These were not meant for me.I slowly step into the small sub room and change into some jeans and a large comfy sweater.I re-emerge feeling a good deal more comfortable then before, if only physically.I walk over to my vanity set and sit down on the bench.I look into the mirror as I pull my hair out of its bun and let it fall down my back.As I brush my hair absently I look at the reflection, and a different girl looks back.She isn't me, not the real me, she is the symbol of peace, I am just Relena.I sit there and let my head fall into my hands.What now?

_And I tried to sleep alone _

_But I couldn't do it_

_You could be sitting next to me_

_And I wouldn't know it_

[Heero]

I watched her get up and unsteadily make her way to her closet.I turned my head, seeing what her intention was.When I was sure that she was finished changed I looked back into her room.She was sitting there looking into her mirror.The torment that plagued her face as she looked at her reflection tore at me again.I could see she was losing.Losing her battle against the fighting, against love, and against life.

_ _

_If I told you, you was wrong…_

# I don't remember saying…. I don't remember saying…

I watched still frozen as she sat there. I watch as a single tear fell from her lashes.I watch as it runs down her cheek, leaving a silver trail.I watch as she just sits there.She looks so empty.How did this happen?

_I'll be your shadow_

# In the cedar room

She reached out beside her mirror and pulled to her chest a teddy bear, my teddy bear, the teddy bear I gave her before I disappeared.Why does she still have it?Why does she still care?Why do I care?I am here so I figure I must care, but looking at her I feel more.It hurts to see the person who bravely stands up against any threat to defend her principles break down and sob like this.And for the first time since I left, I truly regret leaving her so.I've been here, but I haven't been there for her.

_ _

_And leave just a memory_

# Along with you

# 

# 

# [Relena]

Beside my mirror I see the teddy bear he left.I look at it a moment or two.It's all that I have left of him, and our time together, however brief it was.It was our time.Perhaps I never had the time to make him understand or show him how I felt.I cry into the bear, holding it close to my chest, letting it absorb the tears as it had so many times before.I let myself believe it's his way of comforting me, his training not allowing him to do so himself.But it has been so long that the illusion is wearing thin.I lost, and am losing now.I can't take it anymore and so I cry harder into the bear, clutching it tightly as though it were he.This time I wont make the same mistake.This time I wont let go.

The others told me to not think about him when he left.Some seemed confident that it was sign he had changed in his ways although he would never show it, that he would come back to me.Others told me that it was his way of saying good-bye but that my efforts did not go unnoticed.I didn't listen to most.I wanted him to come back, and so my heart followed my dreams, and that is what pulled me through.But now I am starting to believe them."You never meant to come back did you?"I cry harder.

_I didn't see them _

_So I called too soon_

_I couldn't see them_

# So I called to you

[Heero]

I watch, pained as she cries.I could see it in her eyes, but now I can see it in her heart.I hear her whisper, barely audible over her broken sobs, _"You never meant to come back did you?"_Now I regret even more hiding all this time from her.But didn't she know me better.Didn't she know that I couldn't come back?I watch over her, that's my way of showing I care, that I care about peace, and that I care about her.

[Relena]

_And I tried to sleep alone _

# But I couldn't do it

I bet he has changed.Maybe he is the same person on the outside, but I think he had changed.But if I ever see him again will I recognise him?Will he care?

_You could be sitting next to me_

# And I wouldn't know it

"I never wanted to do it without you.You said you would protect me.You were my strength…"

[Heero]

# If I told you, you was wrong…

_I don't remember saying…. I don't remember saying…_

_ _

Her words hurt me.I couldn't mean that much to her.Its been so long she should have forgotten but why hasn't she?I watch as she pulls her bag from her desk and empty it, letting the contents falls to the floor.I witness the papers, all her work, fly around her settling in a messy pile at her feet.She quickly shoves some clothes and other necessities in it and sits on the end of the bed and looks across at the teddy bear.

"I know I never showed you but I thought you must have known.I guess I was wrong, but I still don't want to believe it.I know you aren't here right now, so I'll never have the chance to tell you.Perhaps I will find you some day, then again, I don't know if I will want to.It hurts.I don't blame you, how could I?But it hurts all the same.And I can't stay here anymore.I guess, when I leave this will be my good-bye to you.I never had the chance really, but you managed, and so will I.I loved you.I love you still. I always will."

Her words strike a chord within me and I know I feel the same way about her.I guess I lost my chance.Too little too late.I watch as she swings the bag onto her back and grabs the teddy bear.She watches it hesitantly for a few moments, looking like she isn't sure whether to grasp it tighter or put it back down.I just watch.

[Relena]

I hold the teddy in front of me.It is the symbol of my love for Heero and I realise that I can't leave it behind.I can't leave him behind.I turn and walk slowly towards the balcony, taking in these last glimpses of my room, and this life.I look at the bare walls and empty space.

_And I tried to sleep alone _

# But I couldn't do it

Taking one last breath I step out onto the balcony and close the door behind me.I close the door on the leader and politician and step out into my new life.It is lonely already, although I am but feet from the comforts of the mansion.They will miss me and they will search for me.They will cry at their loss, but I have cried for mine as well.I make my way down the stairs and into the garden.Wherever he is, I hope he will wait for me.

_ _

_You could be sitting next to me_

_And I wouldn't know it_

[Heero]

I watch her step out into the moonlight basked garden.She looks so beautiful yet lost.I know enough to learn from my mistakes, and so I follow, not as her guard but as Heero Yuy, her friend, maybe more.She stops suddenly but I do not.I step out do she can see me.She spins round to face me when he hears the sound of my footsteps.He mouth opens in shock but her eyes can't hide the pain.

_ _

# If I told you, you was wrong…

I step forward and take her hands in mine and simply look into her eyes.Something passes between us.I understand.We say nothing.

# I don't remember saying…. I don't remember saying…

I grab her hand and head off towards the woods on the other side of the garden, away from her house.I see it in her eyes now.Our pain is less.

And together we leave the world behind.


End file.
